A heartbroken damsel

At the last paramore concert you saved me. This time, you left me.




Why, do you have to crush every happy memory I had with you?

Rant about Love

Some couples may view occasions like Valantine's Day and anniversary just like any other days, because like I've heard so many times, if you love one another, everyday would be Valentine's Day/anniversary. Personally, I hold alot of value in occassions like these. You can call me shallow or what not, afterall occasions like these were made up to capitalise on the occasion itself. Florists jerk their prices up high on Valentine's Day, who doesn't know that? But it is so difficult for a guy to give his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers on occasions like these, knowing that she loves flowers? Or if the guy is really strap for cash, a stalk of flower would certainly light up the girl's day; makes her feel appreciated. Especially when the girl surprises the guy with gift regularly, like his favorite chocolate cake and shirts( until she decided it seems to be a one sided)

Sometimes I feel like my relationship with my other half is quite unconventional. I never expected myself to fall in love with a guy like him. I never really feel like I was courted( unlike with my other pursuers). We never celebrated our very first valentine's day because he was in army and he promised to make it up but didn't. He's one young and a few months younger than me. I planned our first anniversary (mainly because the next day is his birthday). I think what I'm saying here is that I yearn some traditional aspects in our relationship, like my guy appearing with flowers on special occasions. Sure, it's not practical. But whoever said that love is practical? Love should be romantic, isnt it? I know looking back and grumble about what's not being done in a 'right' way is pointless and I should just move forward with my days and appreciate and treasure what's there, but sometimes I just can't help but ponder...

Bananacone Love Story

I think this is a really cute video and the song is so sweet, but apparently Xin Ying doesn't think so BOOOO!

X is a douchebag.

Piang eh! I really cannot stand a friend of mine. Let's call him X. He's always so cheery and sharing 'good news' with me involves things like how he found a new route to cycle, or he got a new relief teaching job. I mean great for him. Good job! Here's the thing, he didn't used to talk to me that much before he broke up with his girlfriend. Now, it seems like he has something to share with me every week. Yeay, i'm so stoked. Not.

He keeps asking me out previously, and since he just broke up with his girlfriend, I kind of pity him and just went out with him. Big mistake. That guy is a douchebag. He keeps bragging about how he'd read this book on how to pick up girls and make them interested in you blah blah blah. And he tells me how he contacted girls on his facebook and tried it on them, asked them out. And his reason for wanting to date them is because he's horny. So typical of guys, to think from their dicks. The only thing i'm hearing is how desperate he is. And I highly suspect his girlfriend broke up with him because he pressured her to have sex with him. Jerk.

Another thing is how he keeps trying to strike up conversation, starting with his current past time. The last I heard is umm wait, what was it? Erm... Hmmm. Oh right, it was religious teachings. So I just let him talk blah blah blah. And I just couldn't take it so i rebutted him and he had no comeback. You see that's the thing about this guy. He has no mind of his own at all. He says he learned this, he learned that, but ulitmately he's just leeching ideas of others.

He's also a masochist, which i absolutely hate. If you can't take strong opinions from females and think that they should stay at home and cook and clean, then i suggest you preach your crap to some other submissive girl. I ain't no bitch yo.

-End of rant-

But really, it's because of jerks like these, it makes me treasure and love my precious boy so much more.

Stereo Hearts

Cute concept. Love the way the guy rests the stereo on his shoulder! So retro!

Suburban Digs

I was out with a friend yesterday at Paya Lebar and she suggested going to City Plaza, apparently some of the shop tenants are blogshop owners. Initially I was quite skeptical. From the exterior the place doesn't come across as somewhere that fashion savvy shoppers shop at. However, once we started shopping, I got more and more excited! Design wise, it's quite repetitive in most of the shops, but I guess that's why most of the apparels are priced quite cheaply. The best thing is, you can still bargain to a lower price! (Yes, the auntie in me can't help but bargain) I bought a lovely sun hat, kind of like those on the heads of ladies viewing a polo match. It looks kind of extravagant, but I'm already thinking of all the possible occasions I can wear it to!

On another note, the quality and the fitting of the apparels are honestly, quite lousy. But hey, you're only paying $8 for a blouse, and $10 for a dress, yi fen qian yi fen huo right? I'd been splurging on too many items that I would probably only wear once, or which material doesn't last long, so although I'd seen many items I love at City Plaza, I rather spent the money on something which is well-made and classic.

Tired...

I used to look forward to Friday so eagerly because then, I will be able to see you. It's not that I don't look forward to it now, but with every Friday come the following Sunday and the whole cycle repeats again.

I miss you so much.

The Radish by James Tate

I was holding this really exemplary radish in my hand.

I was admiring its shape and size and color. I was imagining

its zesty, biting taste. And when I listened, I even thought

I could hear it singing. It was unlike anything I had ever

heard, perhaps an oriental woman from a remote mountain village

singing to her rabbit. She's hiding in a cave, and night has

fallen. Her parents had decided to sell her to the evil prince.

And he and his thousand soldiers were searching for her everywhere.

She trembled in the cold and held the rabbit to her cheek. She

whispered the song in a high, thin voice, like a reed swaying

by itself on a bank above a river. The rabbit's large, brown ears

stood straight up, not wanting to miss a word. Then I dropped

the radish into my basket and moved down the aisle. The store

was exceptionally crowded, due to the upcoming holiday. My cart

jostled with the others. Sometimes it pretended we were in a cock-

fight, a little cut here, some bleeding. Now the advantage is mine.

I jump up and spur the old lady, who's weak and ready to fall.

I spot a mushroom I really want. It's within reach. You could

search all day and never find a mushroom like that. I could smell

it sizzling in butter and garlic. I could taste it garnishing my

steak. Suddenly, my cart is rammed and I'm reeling for my balance.

I can't even see who the enemy is. Then I'm hit again and I'm

sprawling up against the potatoes. I've been separated from my

cart. I look around desperately. "Have you seen my cart?" I ask

a man dressed in lederhosen and an alpine hat. "I myself have

misplaced my mother's ashes. How could I know anything about your

cart?" he said. "I'm sorry to hear about your mother," I said.

"Was it sudden, or was it a long, slow, agonizing death, where

you considered killing her yourself just to put her out of her pain?"

"Is that your cart with the radish in it?" he said. "Oh, yes,

thank you, thank you a thousand times over, I can't thank you

enough," I said. "Schmuck," he said. The mushroom of my dreams,

of course, was long gone, and the others looked sickly, like they

were meant to kill you, so I forged on past the kohlrabi and

parsnips. I hesitated at the okra. A flood of fond memories

overcame me. I remembered Tanya and her tiny okra, so firm and

tasty, one Christmas long ago. There was a fire in the fireplace

and candlelight, music, and the crunch, crunch, crunch of the okra.

I have never been able to touch okra since that sacred day.

We were in the Klondike, or so it seemed to me then. Tanya had

a big dog, and it ate the roast, and we had a big laugh, but now

I don't think it's funny. I remember the smell of that roast,

as if it were cooking this very minute, and I can see Tanya

bending over to check on it. How did we ever get out of there

alive? and what happened to Tanya? I look around, peaches and

plums. I'm buffeted from behind. "Watch it," I say to no one in

particular. Eight eyes are glaring at me. "I'm moving," I say.

But I can't move. The rabbit says, "Tonight we will meet our

death, but it will be beautiful and we will be brave and not

afraid. You will sing to me and I will close my eyes and dream

of a garden where we will play under the starlight, and that's

where the story ends. with me munching a radish and you laughing."

I can't move," I said.

I was jealous but then... Hahaha!

Hey bitch! You know what, I'm glad you said no to him. Because now I'm his first love, and nobody ever forgets his first true love. Things really do happen for a reason I guess huh? Peace out yo.

Shake it like a Polaroid!

A Beautiful Mind

I may only be 20 now, and I know it's a long way before my brain starts degenerating beyond my control, but I can't help to think "Won't that be a really petrifying situation to be in?". As with old age, people start to forget things, events, memories and even their loved ones. But what would it be like to forget how to bath yourself, to cloth yourself, to feed yourself; the very basic things that you have done all your life?

I remember watching Love, Sex and Other Drugs and the male protagonist met another guy, whose partner too has Alzheimer and the former asked the latter whether he still loved his wife. The answer was startling to me. He said "Run when you still can. Everything you'd loved about her would disappear." When two people commit to matrimony, they vowed to "love each other in sickness...", but how can one promise to continue to love and care "till death do us apart" when she knows that she will lose her mind, bit by bit, everyday and eventually forget who he is and the life they had together?

Or when one has a talent so extraordinary, that once his mind starts to degenerates, he begins to be obsessed with the reality that he would not be able to produce another work as spectacular as the one that made him famous. I remember how when i first read David Auburn's Proof, the pathetic fallacy in the winter scene nearly made me cried. The cold winter was a reflection of the great mathematician's disintegrating brain and the dramatic irony of his eventual death. Just last night, I was watching 90210, and Marla, a great actress of her time, chose to commit suicide because she could no longer perform as she forgets why she is on stage.

Imagine if you have control over your mind all your life, and one day it just starts slipping away from you, how would you deal with it?

tamanselamat

At Kang's place now and she's acting pro and all, trying to control the itunes from across the room using her iphone. And she's calling me noob, after i helped her packed her shelves! But seriously, she has some cool gadget. Her laptop is connected to another screen, it's so convenient i cant believe it! She actually name her youtube account after the street she's living at, and it has an uncanny resemblance to Mas Selamat name LOL. I actually feel kinda weird blogging this while she's hovering behind me, and STILL trying to control the playlist with her iphone zzz

Interesting things we unearthed from the packing:

-acne patch from '07

-serviets from Aussie

-her studio shot photos

-stuffed socks in a plastic bag in her drawer

-to be continued...

ETC.

Going to Kang's house for sleepover tonight! But that also means it's less than a week till her flight to NZ BOOOOO! :(

Meanwhile, i dug out my trusty DS and putting games in for K to bring into camp LOL.

All this negative energy is killing me.

The world is such a sad, sad place. You see unfortunate events that keep recurring in the world, and you just know that 10 years, 20 years or maybe even 50 years down the road, they will still happen. On one hand, I hope that everyone could be happy and carefree, but is that happiness really worth it when it is derived from the misfortune of others? On another hand, it is too naive to believe that all could be contended with their lives. Afterall, contend would displace the want for progress and as Man, it is in our blood, our bones, our minds to strive to be the fittest of the herd. I see people around me strive so hard for success, to make good of their lives and it's really devastating to witness their hardships, their falls. I wonder about my own life. Am I making anything good out of it? The answer currently seems to be a resonating "no" and I'm not even talking about having a purpose in life. I'm aware I need to start doing something about it but where do I start? What am I willing to sarcrifice? What do I aim to get out of my efforts? What if I fail?

Look Into My Eyes And I'll Own You With The Moves

Just can't get enough of this song! Damn now I wish I could whistle! And The Voice is definitely one of the best singing competition in recent times! How could anyone not love Adam Levine and Christina Agueilra?!

I feel lucky life a four-leaf clover :)

XOXOXO

Me: I'll miss you...

K: Don't say that.

Me: Why?

K: Cause it'll make me miss you even more!

K can be such a corny guy sometimes hahahaha!

Bleed.

These few months had been more tears than laughters.

Your ignorance, up to now, has got to stop. It burns the hell out of me.

You made me feel like it's always my fault. Speak with caution lest I blow up.

Man up and take my daggers, for my wrath (no, no longer pain) needs its victim.

Untitled? (get the irony? haha)

I love writing poems on serviets, and because of that (unsurprisingly) I lose most of them. So I guess this will be my poem database from now on, although it's kinda fun to find long-lost poems in unsuspecting places.

Couldn't think of an appropriate title, so I'm gonna leave it as such yet. I'm not gonna call it Untitled because I simply hate artworks named after that.

It is not that Love is blind,

But I choose to forgive and accept.

Because I am but a mere mortal.

Tempted by sins of Eden,

And naive as Eve.

I hold no vanity in my Robe,

Nay the Emperor.

Nay Narcissisus.

My reflection is none of perfection,

When i see you shed that drop of tear,

More precious than my soul.

What understanding of power of words do I behold?

When its physics, I simply cannot control.

My words were no dagger

More than my swagger.

It was never your heart I wanted to break,

But your attention that I ached for.

Quarter-Life Crisis

I guess it's kinda bleak to start off the first post with a post name 'Quarter-Life Crisis'. But truth to be told, things just seems this way to me now.

It's post A Levels, and my grades simply won't cut it for local universities, it's just devastating because I took an additional year in my JC and still got shitty grades. At least now, I've stopped resenting my horrendous choice in subject combination, and on the way, come to discover what i really love (or rather have a better idea of it)- definitely not science NONONO argh the terror! something along the lines of communications studies and english/world literature maybe? But the feeling of being left behind while everyone is moving forward in their lives depresses me. I've always thought of going on a graduation trip around the world with my close friends, but that dream was dashed after i stayed behind a year while they graduated from JC. now it looks i'm gonna spent another buffer year again.

And it's not just them, even those who graduated with me and got As and Bs, i'm really envious of them. I didn't deserve to get an E at all, i've studied after all and it's not like i'm stupid! and to quote my cousin, "E is for people who did not study at all or just stupid." Reality is harsh but i've always thought i was prepared to face it, but sometimes it's just the passing insensitive remarks from your loved ones that hurts me so much. And more often than not, you can never be ready for them.

It's never easy and sometimes it's amazing how life unfolds. I'm exploring the options of going overseas (Aussie or USA) to study now, but Aussie seems to be the more afforable choice, yet USA seems to be a better academic and life choice. From my calculations, if i were to go USA to pursue a comm degree, i would have to eat bread everyday for every meal. And that is if i worked part time there! oh decisions! decisions! decisions!

Someday, you'll see, i'm gonna be an editor (or close to it) and i'll save enough money and enroll into le cordon bleu (my childhood dream) and set up a chic cafe! =D